Beautiful Again

It is funny how
One tends
To look in the mirror and only see
Those things that seem
Deficiencies.

I hate my weight
Though I am getting thinner
I hate my meds
Though they help me live
I am embarrased at my scars
And stretch marks--
The Cost of Living
is written on my skin.


But then, some Angel comes along
And tells you you are beautiful,
And sees your inner beauty
And likes you with your shortfalls.

Forgetfulness can be ignored
Or comforted away
Frequent malaise
Can be acknowledged
Yet lived with anyways.

A year ago, I never thought
I'd feel beautiful again--
I'd look in the mirror, and think,
I'm a monster!
I did not recognize the face in the mirror
I could not see myself in a picture
That isn't me! I'd try to pretend
That because the medicine made me feel good
I could deal with feeling ugly
But eventually that rots at your soul
And you think,
No One can love me.

Then, one day, a friend or two
Comments that you are sweet
Notices when you've dropped a few pounds
And helps get you back on your feet.
They never judged when you were overweight,
And told you you were still pretty
And complimented you and not condemned you
And made life a bit more worth living.
Once I began to feel beautiful again
My heart started to soar!

And to these friends, I am grateful
Especially for the days when I told you
What really was my weight,
And you said, "No way, you carry it well!"
And a smile could still come to my face.

Thank you for understanding, and not judging me.
Thank you for helping to heal
The scars you both can and cannot see.

Thank you for kissing my face and holding me when I cried in my sleep
Thank you for helping me smile again
And sweeping me off of my feet.

Thank you for understanding on those days my legs went weak
And for using that as an excuse to rest your head against my cheek.

Thank you for not pointing out my clumsiness and instead
Letting it go, and helping to fix
Whatever I dropped on the floor
Thank you for accepting me
Unconditionally
You opened your heart
And let me walk in
As you held the door

and suddenly I'm learning to see
What it is, perhaps that you never lost sight of
Even when I lost sight of it within...

Through your kindness, I'm beginning to see
I am beautiful,
again.