Defiant

Walk, walk away
The weakness
Walk until the body
either Heals or Surrenders.

One foot, than the other, walk, walk away.

Defiance, walking.

This morning a walker
my muscles are so stiff
early in the day
and so shaky
until I am
moving...

how
embarrassing...

Tonight
I decided
there was nothing wrong with me...
I'd walk
walk until I was healed or
my body surrendered...

defiant.

I made it
all the way to class and back
And I
took the long way!
Almost fell
a few times
But
I did not.

I told my shrink today
That I've lied to him for
five years...
I was never in an accident
All my medical problems are
psychosomatic.

I don't need doctors
and
if I talk to him long enough
This will
ALL
go away.

He told me
to keep my doctors appointments.

Aparently
I made a good arguement for conversion disorder
but
He thinks I am wrong.

So I'll keep going to my doctors
Until I
prove my shrink wrong
and prove I am crazy
and that
I am the epitome of slothe
no offense to the good animal...

If I am crazy
it means that save for my mind
my body is well
and
I have nothing
nothing
to fear.

It
sounds nice...

but for now
I keep walking
defiantly.

Maybe this fall as the weather cools
I will NOT get worse again!
Maybe I won't be so achy and ill!
Maybe the summer will last forever
these
warm balmy days
that soothe my mind and body...

I love winter
but my body aches for warmth theses days...

Maybe summer will never end
Maybe this is all in my head
Maybe I am just crazy...

I think about it
as I walk
and walk
until
I am healed
or
my body surrenders.

Common

He says
it is common
for retired first responders
and those who were injured
to do what I did
to
stop and help someone
despite the supposed limitations...

he says this is common
for us
to stop and help the injured
I guess then we go back to our
own damaged lives.

he'd know he's been seeing
more causualties of 'heroism'
for years, now...

its nice to know
that i am still
'common...'
I Just wish
I knew more people
like
me...

because then they would know
and understand
what he can only imagine...

the confusion of
jumping back into
one's old role
with ease and
expertise

followed by the
inevitable re-entry burns
of hoping back
into the mortifying role
of a 'handicapped person...'

no one knows who
you were
or are

even worse
you yourself
do not know.