Enjoying Music, Moving Forward towards Whatever

Years ago, my goal was to do one thing per day. It served me well, so I think I will do that, again. It doesn't matter what that one thing is, it can be small. It can be big. As long as I do something. Today I did a lot of stuff that while seemingly minor, I had been putting off.

I've gotten that feeling that I've been treading water, staying in one place, barely afloat, for too long. It's safe living home with Mom and Dad, and it's good. But, I have something to prove, to myself. That I can make it on my own. I feel it's something I need to do, for me, before I get married, because I think it will be beneficial to me, for me to see I can live on my own successfully, for me to stop doubting myself, and to regain some perspective by stepping out of my comfort zone.

I need to stretch these wings a little, maybe it will help. My body is healing from my last surgery, every day. Each day I feel better and better, though I still have a way to go. Tonight, I went to the movies with my Love for the first time in a long time, and went out for a good dinner together. It's been up and down lately, but, as my Love puts it, "It's good to have my Reenie back."

Me, my personality, myself, are re-emerging.

I go back to work on Monday, and intend to just keep my head down, and do my job, do it well, and let things on that front, stabilize.

I guess my biggest fear about moving is the fear of losing a sense of security and stability. There are all the what ifs--what if I get sick again? What if I lose my job? But, I realize, there will always be what ifs, the trick is to control the things I can, and beyond that, play it smart. I guess that is the best that any of us can do, since there are no guarantees. That being said, I know I'll always have people who will take me in, family and friends and Love, with whom I am blessed! So, if things head south, I'll survive, I always survive. I won't focus on how scary the world and uncertainty is, but rather, to figure out ways to be creative and get things more stable and re-discover the driven, motivated side of me which has been dormant for a long, long time now, in part because I was feeling sick for so, so very long.

Today was truly a turning point. Being out on dates with my Love, taking the initiative to say, I've been complaining that something needs to change, for a year. So, I'm going to make it change. Am I making the best decision? Who knows, time will tell. Am I making the worst decision? Nope. It's a trial run. As my one friend reminds me, moving to an accessible housing unit is not permanant, I must not view it as a loss of independence but rather a gain. I am going to have my own apartment!! Finally, if all goes well!! It is not permanant. It's something I need to do, to prove to myself I can do it.

What would all the years of rehab be worth, if I never used all the skills I was taught, anyways? ;)

I think this will be good for me, my friends, my family, and my Love, and let me just blossom back into myself, by having a new challenge, and no longer running in circles, unsure what decision to make or where to go, I am making a decision. This is my decision. I'm moving. Its temporary, until I get married. But, it will be a good growing experience so I have no regrets, and I will be more independent again. :)